“Just because somebody doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with everything they got”

It will always be your family, whether your dating someone in it, married to someone in it, or just the best friend of someone in it. You are always welcome, so stop being sad. They love you just as much as they did before.

Weird...I'm pretty sure the painters are coming soon, but I feel like a song is all you need to feel better sometimes. JUST ONE SONG and two seconds ago you were about to cry and now you're sitting alone grinning like the biggest fool in the world. Be happy. Funny How Taylor Swift has become my happy song person. Ahaha alright have a beautiful day. The sun is JUST starting to peak up just the tiniest bit and that makes me so happy. It's so simple but it's like the slate was wiped clean and and everything is fresh and new again. OHHH like spring...oh man, I hate the rainy days most of the time, but the green is so nice to see. Alrighty...too much time without sleep for me...I'm signing off for the night. LOVE YOU ALL!!!!! hehehe

Where I stood

I wish I knew what the fuck you meant by telling me that you listened to that song and thought of me. I wish I knew which one I was: the one that was torn or the one who isn't leaving without a fight. Because Jesus if I'm the one not leaving without a fight let me know so I can make this easier for both of us. I can go. Sometimes I wish I knew what was going on in your head, and sometimes I think I knew what it is so well and almost every time it takes just seconds for me to realize that I don't know anything anymore. I mean, shit...I should...it's not like it changes all that often, at least when it comes to me. Sometimes I just wish I knew. Because I AM a FIGHTER, but I will leave this without a fight if that's what you want, if that's what you need and if that is what you feel/know you SHOULD do. I just wish I knew. So if there's no need to fight I can stop. I don't want to have to fight, but the thing is, is well I just can't help it, unless you say so. SO god would someone just clue me in. Because I don't know if I know you anymore and I don't know if you even want me to really know you anymore. Maybe that new you is for you and someone new. I don;t know what you mean when you tell me that I shouldn't wait, that I shouldn't have to wait or whatever...I wish you would just tell me that you don't know how to tell me you don't love me anymore. Because that's what it feels like. It feels like you're saying that and I don't know how it makes you feel exactly for me to ask for that ring back, but maybe it's something similar to what I feel when you tell me that I deserve better, and that I shouldn't have to suffer like this or some other sort of bull shit that comes out of your mouth. I know EXACTLY what I'm doing and if it wasn't worth it to me I wouldn't be doing it. SO someday it'd be nice if you let me know what exactly those lyrics mean to you when you listen to them, because when I listen to them now all I feel is a headache coming on from telling myself not to cry, that it's just another song. But it's not, not to me, and apparently not so much to you either. Sorry....you wanted to know what's in my head...well 5:18am Friday morning, this is what I was thinking about. I don't let myself think about it too often if I can, but sometimes when I'm all alone and it's quiet... I just miss you.

I know looks can be deceiving but I know I saw a light in you:

Oddly enough: Hey Stephen by Taylor swift inspired this one so if you’re gunna read it might as well listen to it while you do. Maybe you’ll get it and maybe you won’t; it doesn’t really matter. Either way it’s what made me feel the way I did while I was writing.

I've always been one to run away from love. I’ve also always been a firm believer in True Love, The One and anyone can fall in love even when you least expect it. But, for the past 20 years I’ve been running from every bit of romance or love interest that has crossed my path, and it’s taken me 20 years to figure out that to find love you have to lose everything just to gain it all. You don’t have to lose yourself, but you do have to give in to all the feelings: good or bad, and let loose. I have been talking about The One and wishing for the perfect relationship ever since I can remember, but there is no such thing. There’s nothing perfect. You have to find perfection in the imperfections. Without this ability, what you’re waiting for is something you’ll be waiting the rest of your life for. No one out there is going to perfectly fit every piece of you and ya know what? You may have to listen to hours of music you don’t like or you may have to fold the laundry because static freaks them out or whatever, but maybe they make you CD’s of music they know you’ll love or they rub your feet when you’ve had a rough day or bring you lunch at work just because. It doesn’t mean you have to drop your standards or stop looking for The One but maybe it means opening your eyes just a little bit wider and opening your heart up even if it means it might get broken a bunch of times. Love is out there and you can search for it or you can let it come to you, but either way love is work. It doesn’t just fall together and stay wonderful forever. You’re going to fight and you’re going to get on each other’s nerves and your going to get scared of the commitment and you’re going to want to run away sometimes. But you’re also gunna spend all night under the covers sharing silly stories from your past, and you’ll have great make-up sex, and you’ll cuddle when you watch movies and get all dressed up to go out with friends just because you’re bored of dinners where you eat the same thing because neither of you is exactly the best cook in the world and you’ll have a blast. But, you can never forget that nothing stays the same forever. That the two of you have to let one another grow individually as well as grow together. Love and live is always changing and you can morph right along with it. It’s nothing to be afraid of, because it’s natural to want to change and to find new interests and parts of you that you yourself didn’t even know existed. You just have to open yourself to the new parts of you and of everyone else too because that’s how you learn about yourself and about other people. Learning is the foundation for everything and without it we cut ourselves of to life. So it’s time to stop running from love, stop narrow mindedly searching for love and accept that if it’s truly meant to be it’ll happen, no pressure for me or anyone else. Love simply happens. Be open to it, it’s what makes us alive.