Weird...I'm pretty sure the painters are coming soon, but I feel like a song is all you need to feel better sometimes. JUST ONE SONG and two seconds ago you were about to cry and now you're sitting alone grinning like the biggest fool in the world. Be happy. Funny How Taylor Swift has become my happy song person. Ahaha alright have a beautiful day. The sun is JUST starting to peak up just the tiniest bit and that makes me so happy. It's so simple but it's like the slate was wiped clean and and everything is fresh and new again. OHHH like spring...oh man, I hate the rainy days most of the time, but the green is so nice to see. Alrighty...too much time without sleep for me...I'm signing off for the night. LOVE YOU ALL!!!!! hehehe

Where I stood

I wish I knew what the fuck you meant by telling me that you listened to that song and thought of me. I wish I knew which one I was: the one that was torn or the one who isn't leaving without a fight. Because Jesus if I'm the one not leaving without a fight let me know so I can make this easier for both of us. I can go. Sometimes I wish I knew what was going on in your head, and sometimes I think I knew what it is so well and almost every time it takes just seconds for me to realize that I don't know anything anymore. I mean, shit...I should...it's not like it changes all that often, at least when it comes to me. Sometimes I just wish I knew. Because I AM a FIGHTER, but I will leave this without a fight if that's what you want, if that's what you need and if that is what you feel/know you SHOULD do. I just wish I knew. So if there's no need to fight I can stop. I don't want to have to fight, but the thing is, is well I just can't help it, unless you say so. SO god would someone just clue me in. Because I don't know if I know you anymore and I don't know if you even want me to really know you anymore. Maybe that new you is for you and someone new. I don;t know what you mean when you tell me that I shouldn't wait, that I shouldn't have to wait or whatever...I wish you would just tell me that you don't know how to tell me you don't love me anymore. Because that's what it feels like. It feels like you're saying that and I don't know how it makes you feel exactly for me to ask for that ring back, but maybe it's something similar to what I feel when you tell me that I deserve better, and that I shouldn't have to suffer like this or some other sort of bull shit that comes out of your mouth. I know EXACTLY what I'm doing and if it wasn't worth it to me I wouldn't be doing it. SO someday it'd be nice if you let me know what exactly those lyrics mean to you when you listen to them, because when I listen to them now all I feel is a headache coming on from telling myself not to cry, that it's just another song. But it's not, not to me, and apparently not so much to you either. Sorry....you wanted to know what's in my head...well 5:18am Friday morning, this is what I was thinking about. I don't let myself think about it too often if I can, but sometimes when I'm all alone and it's quiet... I just miss you.