I'm home. Officially. Not for good, but for a little while at least. I started classes on Thursday and I got to dissect a rat in my very first Anatomy and Physiology Lab. It was amazing...I don't really know how to explain it, but for the first time in a long time, I finally felt like I'm making progress towards who I want to be in this life. It's a hard class, I won't lie about that and I already feel over my head in all of the stuff I have to learn by next class, but I have never been more in love or felt more alive with learning than I do when I'm in my A&P class and lab.Besides that things are different at home. I feel like I have room mates instead of parents sometimes and other times I still feel like I'm all alone I'm all alone. I've made a few friends at school so far, but 2 out of 3 are married moms with families to get back to. I miss having people my own age around and an atmosphere that doesn't end when I go home. I miss being able to walk down a hall or up a floor to see people. Now I have to drive an hour or more just to see anyone other than cam (who has a girlfriend) or will (who works all the time). I thought moving home was going to make me feel more like a kid, but it's the opposite. I feel like I'm out on the real world already and I'm drowning a little. I miss my friends. And I'm just really lonely in general.
Which is the thing I hate the most because all I do is think about you when I'm by myself and it's not something I like to make a habit out of if I can help it. I don't have a claim to you anymore other than your one of my best friends and I miss you all the time. I miss your warmth and the way you make me feel better in just about any scenario. I know you're really busy but I always wonder if you ever think about me all day too. Because some days I literally can't get you out of my head ALL day. It's like you take up permanent residence in my memory and you just like to hit replay each time I start to think about anything else. I don't really know if I miss you because I'm lonely, or because I can't just go see you whenever I want to anymore, or maybe just because I want someone to love me and I need to feel loved again. But none the less please get out of my head, because you're making it much harder to be away than it was going to be in the first place. I really just miss you.
"So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us world's apart
And I miss you
Yeah, I miss you
So far away from where you are
I'm standing underneath the stars
And I wish you were here"
