Ruin

we haven't talked in some time and it's given me the time I've needed to think. Remember when you said we should we should live with each other, and I should let you fix yourself and be unhappy so that we could be happy someday? Consider it a testimony to how much I love you that I spent so long pouring myself into that offer trying to make it work. But a friend took me to the most amazing place the other day. It's called The Ridge and you can see for miles on a clear day..even to Long Island sound if you looked in the right direction. People used to climb up it's face and think they could see the whole world...as far as the eye could see. How were they ever to imagine that their whole view would someday be in ruins with skyscrapers and houses, paved roads and man made mountains? It's one of the most beautiful places I've been in Connecticut and it allows the mind to wander as your eyes envelope it's landscape. The Ridge feels like a precious scar, a place you don't really want to let go of because it hurts to good. We all want things to stay the same, settle for living in misery because we're afraid of change or things crumbling to ruins. But then I looked around at this landscape and all of the change it's endured, the way it's been adapted, burned, pillaged and found a way to build all the beauty back up again, and I was reassured that maybe my life hasn't been so chaotic, it's just been the world that is and the only real trap is getting attached to any of it.

Ruin is a gift.

Ruin is the road to transformation.

Rediscovering cloud 9

I've decided to cut you out...well not so much decided as I have finally come to my senses and realized you need to go away now. haha I'm so happy right now I could dance in a million little circles and giggle until the stars fade and the sun begins to rise again. You made my life miserable and you were so manipulative and cruel and I'm just done with it. ahaha I don't even know why I feel like I need to blog this...maybe just to keep a record that you were ever here at all I guess, because I feel so giddy and I'm starting to forget what it felt like to be so sad. Thank you for what you did do for me when I needed you though. But you never needed me. You just wanted to save me so you could hurt me yourself. Oh well. I beat you. I survived anyways and you're gone and soon forgotten. I wish you well with the rest of your life. I hope you find people who make you as happy as I am.

P.S. Please don't ever come back into mine. I'd really appreciate it.

Love A&F,

Lindsay

I guess that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano

I can remember now. I remember when things were good, because things are good again. I am not sad for the things I have lost, because they were never really mine to have. It's weird to know that someone who was once my whole world is now a stranger, but part of me believes that it was meant to be this way. People come into your life, shake it all up and make you different, no better no worse, just different; more lived in. Sometimes when I'm tired of being happy for life, and loving everything that's new and when I've realized I'm done being just angry and sad, I feel you and I miss you just a little bit but then it vanishes. We're better now as strangers, even if it makes me really sad sometimes.

Damaged

On the first page of our story,

the future seems so bright.

And this thing turned out so evil.

I don’t know why I’m still surprised

I've heard people grow up; I've just never known anyone who actually did.

These days..I know what I want. I no longer have the fear of not achieving it, but rather the fear of ACTUALLY achieving it. Because once I do things will change forever and there's no going back.