could you leave me with a scar

I knew I deserved better. I knew I could go farther and I knew it wouldn't last forever.

I tried to change, and I did. I changed and I conformed into what I thought you wanted. And I would have stayed that way because I loved you, and because I thought you knew better. But I don't have to change for him. I can be me and he loves me for all of my flaws. For all of my scars and stupid quirks that would cause so many problems, he loves me. And I wouldn't have been able to let him love me a year ago. I didn't let him love me a year ago. But he waited. And now I'm stronger and weaker all at the same time. I'm strong in who I am but I'm still a weak heart. I still love so easily and care so much and love so deeply, but I'm so damn happy.

You know that feeling when you turn over in the middle of the night and feel the cold crinkle of the fresh sheets on your bed as you stretch your legs and breathe in real deep the sent of midnight air? That's what he feels like. Like new beginnings and yet familiar soil. Like a fresh blossomed field of lavender.

I think I realized just in time,
about my old self was hard to find.
You can bathe me in your finest wine but I'll never give you mine.
'Cos I'm a little bit tired of fearing that
I'll be the bad fruit nobody buys,
Tell me, did you think we'd all dream the same?

And doesn't that sound familiar?
Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver;
the way things could have gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar
that everyone wants a little more?
so that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?

Gray cats, big dogs, and napping in the rain

You're special. I can already tell.

And you smell really good.

Happiness does not depend on outward things, but on the way we see them. - Leo Tolstoy

You make me so happy. So incredibly happy; like when I'm with you I can't stop smiling and I get home and I can feel the ache in my cheeks. But I love it. I love the way you make me feel and the way you wrestle with me and play with me and don't treat me like some fragile piece of glass that will shatter if your a little rough. I like that you offer to help with things about my car and even call in favors for me when I don't know what I'm doing. I like that you'll teach me about cars and not get frustrated when I ask the same question you just answered two minutes ago because you know my mind drifts, and that you don;t just take care of things for me but take me with you and teach me because you know I'm independent and I like to know what's going on. I love that you'll come over my house and bake cookies with me and that you and my mum get along so well. I like that when you're at work you text me about your patients and when you know I'm asleep because I have early class you text me funny or nice things to wake up to in the morning. I like that my friends already all love you and think you're great because we've all been friends for years. I like how you rest your hand on my knee when we're out to eat with friends and you don't mind when I fidget and move around because you always find a way to let me know you care and you're there with me. I like that I can act like a jerk and you just tickle me and it's all better. But I really like that I can have a serious discussion with you and not feel like I'm talking to a wall and that I'll get some kind of response. I like that you fight back, but not in a nasty way; in a respectful way because the marines and your mum taught you to be a respectful man to all women. I like that you can take a joke, even when sometimes they go too far. But what I think I like most about you is that you care to get to know me and you care about me. You know my history and my scars and my life, but you still look at me like I'm the most beautiful and important person in the room and you make me feel worthy of all that I have and you have faith that I am someone great and someday I'm going to help change the world. So thanks. I really love you for all of that.

In and out

I'm thinking maybe I can't have relationships

Cuz lately they're not making any sense

And baby, you're the one thing on my mind

But that can change any time

;)