Honey, let me sing you a song

I don't want you to go. I don't want you to leave this bed in the morning to go half way around the world. I am fully aware of exactly how selfish that is of me to ask. I know you're really going to save a bunch of people by bringing food and medical supplies to a place that really needs it and I'm just so gosh darn proud of you I'm smiling my goofy smile right now. And you're next to me wrapped up around me making this really hard to type out, but I don't mind because I'm not going to be able to smell you for anywhere from two weeks to over a month. I'm not going to be able to cuddle up close next to you at night when I get cold because we sleep with the windows open so that we can fall asleep to the rain. I'm really proud of you for going to do this really great and humane and loving thing. I'm just really going to miss you. I know you're scared too, that for some reason you'll return and I'll be gone because we're still so new this way and I've never been very good at it, but I'm not going anywhere. You make me so incredibly happy and I'm sure there are other people in the world that could make me feel happy too but you're who I want to come home to and crawl in bed with and fall asleep wrapped up in. Ugh you just smell so damn good I don't know what I'm going to do without you. Night, see you when the morning sun shines through these window shades. But just an FYI, I suck at goodbyes...even people who deserve goodbyes will probably never get them because I don't ever want things to be final like that if you ever meant anything to me. So lets not say goodbye in the morning, lets just kiss and say we'll see each other later. <3

Sunshine

Every single time

tarnished tattered and rusty view

I wanna be your last first kiss

I read this tumbler once that had on it the picture that I was going to put on here originally that said, "I want to be someone's first choice just once".

But I chose to put this one instead:

Because:

Here's the thing about being first. You get them first yea...so inevitably they will remember you forever as being their first love. But I'm not asking to be your first choice. I'm not even asking to be your second, third, fourth, or even your tenth. I'm just asking to be your last. I want to be your last choice because when you choose someone to be your last, it doesn't mean you ran out options, or that you'd rather be with someone else. It means that you're the last person they plan on being with when they leave this earth. You're the last person they plan on giving their heart to. Your the last person that they want to be madly, crazily, inconcievably and irrevocably in love with and that's what really matters. So who cares if you were the first person they loved? Because eventually they will have a last and all the rest won't matter anymore. So I want to be your last. Let me please be your last. Everything else in between doesn't matter because in the end we'll be eachothers and all anyone really wants in this world is to love and be loved in return. So let me love you and treat you good and not plan into the future, because I'm happy right here and now with you.

Coexisting in the space between lungs

I need a man who likes cats. Who will love that I love my cat. Who will even let my cat sleep in our bed and curl up on his lab while watching T.V. This is not something I'm willing to compromise on. I will get a dog because I know you're a dog person even though I am not and you want hands down one of the cutes puppies that inevitable turn into a HUGE fucking dog that will need extra exercise; This is okay because 1) I love you so I will put up with your love for dogs and all things man loving and slobbery and 2) because we are going to live in a cute ass farm house with AMAZING rooms all artfully and awesomely designed with a library and 3) because I already know you love cats. It really is a good thing that you grew up with a plethora of different animals because the kids I'm planning on having are going to need friends they can count on when their family sucks and they realize that we don't live in the city. That's really all. I just need you to let me have my cat in the bed too when I'm crying and you just wanna hold me.

Thanks always,

L

You could live in my heart and pay no rent

"But you should never have to get used to something like that," He said.

And it was in that moment I gave my heart to you.

Happy Rainy Saturday =)

talk about change

"Just because I've never been cheated on doesn't mean I've never been hurt."

That's what you said two weeks ago when you wouldn't tell me why you don't trust people. I get not trusting people. I used to be the queen of not trusting people but eventually I got over it, because you can't let people love you without trusting them. It's like a catch 22. You can't love people who don't trust, but you can't trust people who don't love. But I'm not worried about you, because we all heal in our own time and I'm trust worthy. More so than I used to be. I mean yea I could hold secrets before but I yielded them like a weapon instead of a peace offering. I want you to trust me but in a way I'm kind of glad you're not easy to trust because I am and it also makes it a learning experience for both of us.

Something that I learned about people though is you can't expect them to be perfect. People make mistakes and you shouldn't just jump right off of their bandwagon the first time they mess up. We're all human and we all have our own issues, our own battles, our own secrets and our own damage. I expected a lot of people to hold themselves to the same standards and keep the standards that I set for them but that's insane now when I look back on it because humans are exploring creatures. We want to know what things do, how they work, and limits. We like to test limits and push buttons because we're curious how far things will go before they backfire on us. But it's all part of life. The best thing you can do is learn from your mistakes and try not to make them again. But this one I know I'm going to make over and over again and one of these days it's not going to be a mistake anymore.

SO, I'm going to trust you and I'm going to let myself fall in love with you if that's what I want. I'm going to share all of my secrets with you and let you see all of my scars. I'm going to be fearless like I always am in the beginning, and I'm going to let the fearlessness take over. I'm going to make sure you're aware of how much I like you and how happy you make me. I'm not afraid because I've already had my heart broken and it didn't kill me. I'm sure it might happen again but at least I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel this time and it's okay to love someone and let them go. If they find their way back to you it must have been meant to be and if not at least you know they were loved at least once.

Lions make you brave

Alright here's the deal. I think about you ALL the time. Like literally most of my day is consumed with thinking about you and wondering how your life is going and if you're okay and happy. But here's the other thing: I already know all about your life whether I want to or not. Because whether we're actually friends or not I am still very much friends with people who talk to you or see you or know you, and therefore I am very much aware of what is currently going on. I just wish I was hearing it all from you instead. And I MISS you like crazy. I want to be a part of your life again but I'm stubborn as hell and so are you so I'm not sure exactly how this is going to work, seeing as I've been working up the courage to tell you that I miss you for a little over a 2 months now... and I'm no closer now than I was 2 months ago. I just want you to be happy more than anything and if that means that I don't get to be part of your life, I guess I can deal with that because I'd rather know you're happier. But I just wanted you to know...even if it's through this totally impersonal and ugly technological way you meant so much to me and I was really lucky to have you in my life for the short time I did and well, I still love you very much. I'm also craving the smell of dark room chemicals and it only makes me miss you more, because I know that was your favorite part too even though we complained about smelling like that all the time anyways. You're who I'm praying for tonight. <3

me

So here's the thing... I wish you could follow me too because most of the time when I disappear like that I'm thinking about you. But I really like that we can sit in a car together and there's no need for talking. Just simply enjoying each other's silent company. I missed you a lot. I'm glad you're home now and I'll be sad when you leave.

Butterflies makin me tingle

Knowing that you are on your way home to me right now after I haven't seen you in a week because you've been on one of your military retreats is giving my the worst butterflies I've had in my entire life, and that can only mean one thing; I'm invested in this. I want to be invested in this and in you. I want to be invested in us. I like that there is an "us". I love how incredible you make me feel; like I could touch the moon and tap each of the stars. I didn't think I was ever going to feel this way again, and yet like most things here you are proving me wrong. I've missed you so much and oh...you're walking in right now, so I'm going to go kiss you. =)

Id settle for a slow down

Sometimes I just really miss you.