I am no longer the girl that is afraid to go all in because I might get hurt. I already got hurt once and I thought I would never be able to do it again...but If you left, it would be...Horrible, but I think eventually I could get over it just like I did before. So, I'm not afraid of jumping all the way in anymore because the fear of rejection just isn't the same as the first time. I haven't made you my whole life; I've been really careful not to do that because that was my worst mistake last time. I let Jude become my entire life and that wasn't fair to him and it wasn't fair to myself. But like I said, I haven't made you my whole life. I have on the other hand made you a huge part of my life, a part that if gone would not be filled again in the same way.
What I need...is for you to allow me to be that part in yours as well. I know you've been hurt before and I know that every girl since has told you that she would never do that to you and then broken that. But I won;t make that promise. I don't make those kind of promises that could be broken, because broken promises aren't always in our control. But if you want to be this big a part of my life...I need for you to offer me that same part in your heart. I want you to consider me when you make decisions. I don't always need to be a deciding factor, because holding you back in anyway is never going to be my goal. In fact I wish to push you towards your goals rather than drag you from them. I just want to be considered, to be let in the loop, and not feel like I am an afterthought; because that is exactly what I feel like right now, an afterthought.
I love you so very much and for you to think that I would ever intentionally be un-supportive of your wants, aspirations, goals, whatever hurts me so deeply. I want to be your team mate and your cheerleader. (sorry for the sporty references, I know you don't like sports) but fine, I want to be the Cl- to your Na+. Not to say I want to be negative to your positive....I just want to be there...ya know?
Always love,
Linds
