Samson-Ben whatever

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
I have to go, I have to go
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
He ate a slice of wonder bread, and went right back to bed
And history books forgot about us and the Bible didn't mention us
And the Bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads
But they're just old light, they're just old light
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson came to my bed
Told me that my hair was red
Told me I was beautiful, and came into my bed
Oh, I cut his hair myself one night
A pair of dull scissors in the yellow light
And he told me that I'd done alright
And kissed me till the mornin' light, the mornin' light
And he kissed me till the mornin' light

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
Ate a slice of wonder bread, and went right back to bed
Oh, we couldn't bring the columns down
Yeah, we couldn't destroy a single one
And history books forgot about us
And the Bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first

Endlessly

She is my rock and my rolling thunder
I've been the spell she was under
I, I love that girl

She is my cigarettes and champagne
She's got me strung but I'm not running
I, I love that girl
I, I love that girl

She is the days I can't get over
She is the nights that I call home endlessly
For you I'll always wait

Caught in the waves of hesitation
Lost in the sea of my own doubt endlessly
For you I'll always wait
For you I'll always wait

She is the flame and the fire she's raging
I've been the spark and the war she's waging
I, I love that girl

She came along and she spoke so sweetly
Changed everything, took my heart completely
I, I love that girl
I, I love that girl

She is the days I can't get over
She is the nights that I call home endlessly
For you I'll always wait

Caught in the waves of hesitation
Lost in the sea of my own doubt endlessly
For you I'll always wait

And the city buzz and empty cars
It's 3 a.m. I wonder where you are
And the crooked smiles and worn out miles between us
Now I wonder where you are

She is the days I can't get over
She is the nights that I call home endlessly
For you I'll always wait

Caught in the waves of hesitation
Lost in the sea of my own doubt endlessly
For you I'll always wait
For you I'll always wait
For you I'll always wait

endlessly free

This is me

I guess I'm an all or nothing kind of girl. What I mean to say is, is that in relationships, either I'm totally all in, not really going to back out unless I'm forced out, or I'm the girl who can walk away at any moment without a second thought. And for a long time in this thing...I was the latter, but I'm not anymore. I know you love me and I love you so much too...but if you're going to try and pull the same mask over my head, you've got another think coming.

I am no longer the girl that is afraid to go all in because I might get hurt. I already got hurt once and I thought I would never be able to do it again...but If you left, it would be...Horrible, but I think eventually I could get over it just like I did before. So, I'm not afraid of jumping all the way in anymore because the fear of rejection just isn't the same as the first time. I haven't made you my whole life; I've been really careful not to do that because that was my worst mistake last time. I let Jude become my entire life and that wasn't fair to him and it wasn't fair to myself. But like I said, I haven't made you my whole life. I have on the other hand made you a huge part of my life, a part that if gone would not be filled again in the same way.

What I need...is for you to allow me to be that part in yours as well. I know you've been hurt before and I know that every girl since has told you that she would never do that to you and then broken that. But I won;t make that promise. I don't make those kind of promises that could be broken, because broken promises aren't always in our control. But if you want to be this big a part of my life...I need for you to offer me that same part in your heart. I want you to consider me when you make decisions. I don't always need to be a deciding factor, because holding you back in anyway is never going to be my goal. In fact I wish to push you towards your goals rather than drag you from them. I just want to be considered, to be let in the loop, and not feel like I am an afterthought; because that is exactly what I feel like right now, an afterthought.

I love you so very much and for you to think that I would ever intentionally be un-supportive of your wants, aspirations, goals, whatever hurts me so deeply. I want to be your team mate and your cheerleader. (sorry for the sporty references, I know you don't like sports) but fine, I want to be the Cl- to your Na+. Not to say I want to be negative to your positive....I just want to be there...ya know?

Always love,

Linds

I honestly never do.

I'm not really all here. I haven't really been all here since he came and went. But you don't see it. Or at least if you do see it, if you do see that I haven't been all here....well, you haven't said anything about it. I haven't really been all here. And I haven't really been elsewhere either. I'm trapped; trapped in this limbo of sorts between the reality that's in front of my eyes, the reality you are planning for us, for a future you believe we will have together and I'm somewhere else. Somewhere...where people get hurt.

I'm seeing lots of hurt, because of all the wrong kind of love. Or maybe it's the right kind of love. How can I at 23 be expected to seriously be thinking about producing another human life....about sharing the human life I already have with someone or multiple persons. I don't know who you think I am....but what if I'm not her. What if I can never be her? What if I am someone else's her. Not your her, but my own her. His her.

I don't want to talk to your friends or my friends or our friends about my body. About my reproduction plans. I don;t want to talk about or plan a future with you, not a wedding, not children...I'm not even sure of tomorrow.

I know I'm good at this. I have always been good at this; finding someone every other girl dreams of, and not  wanting those dreams for myself. Finding ways to mangle those dreams and crush them till to me, their realistic. I'm not a dreamer who wants the reality. I just want the dream. The reality is a different want; a selfish want.

I'm not ready to spend forever....I'm not ready to discuss forever. I just want to get through tomorrow. Not your tomorrow. My tomorrow. I know I'm a selfish person. I know that. I also know I am incredibly giving and caring person.

                                 


                                  But loving...yea I can love you.
                                                         Just don't plan on forever.

I honestly never do.

It's Easter

It's been a long time; Though it always seems like it has. This is my secret place. My place of worship, sadness and joy. It holds my brightest moments and it holds my very darkest. I'm not sure I'll ever let anyone read this on purpose. Sometimes the past is better left there, locked away and left for my mind to wander to on nights like this.

Easter morning, biblical speaking, is supposed to be the day of resurrection. The day a stone heavy with hatred and sadness and hurt is moved aside and the light sines into the darkest parts of our souls to show us the ability to grow and forgive. I get it; human's need to make stories for all the things we can;t seem to understand or those things which we want to pass from generation to generation about morals and values.

So here's one for everyone: Look upon someone of whom you've already seen before, and look upon their soul in a new light. It's so easy to forget the demons we all face, but don't show on our exoskeletons. So today, forget your religion, race, ethnicity, gender, sex, culture, sexual orientation or preference; just LOVE. Because someone once told me that love can conquer anything, and although I don't believe it can do that, I believe it has a lot more power than we let ourselves believe. It has a lot of healing powers, and a lot of forgiving powers.

Be kind, rewind, and then move forward. You'll find things might have changed over time.

They do in this city every minute.

Love and Peace.

With Lips Like Water and a Face Like Rain

You only know what I want you to

I know everything you don;t want me to

Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine

Oh you think your dreams are the same as mine

Oh I don't love you but I always will

Oh I don't love you but I always will

Oh I don't love you but I always will

I always will

I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back

The less I give the more I get back

Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise

I don't have a choice but I still choose you

Oh I don't love you but I always will

Oh I don't love you but I always will

Oh I don't love you but I always will

Oh I don't love you but I always will

Oh I don't love you but I always will

Oh I don't love you but I always will

I always will

I always will

I always will

I always will

I always will

Summer

I know it's months away, but the I have missed the Vinyard in the summers. It used to be one of my summer homes. This summer, I am looking forward to spending a week with the entire family (extended included) on the Vinyard catching rays of sun and watching the sun rise and fall over the ocean. I have missed the carousel, the ice-cream and the casual island feel that only true summer blood can give that sort of wafting breeze. This is the family beach house on the Vinyard. It will be nice to return to sea air and musty books on a quiet tourist free beach. The bike rides are by far the best part. Th ability to explore an island without the necessity of a car...I truly believe I was mean to live in such a place as this.

Leave to see

Finally lifting off, leaving the world behind

I take the window seat so I won't see the sky

One thing On my mind, miles below

Tell me I'm not up here all alone

Did I just leave so you would come to me?

Did I make you up just so I could believe?

A hopeless notion perfect for a dream

Why do I, why do I have to leave to see

Quote from "Boy's Life"

You know, I do believe in magic. I was born and raised in a magic time, in a magic town, among magicians. Oh, most everybody else didn’t realize we lived in that web of magic, connected by silver filaments of chance and circumstance. But I knew it all along. When I was twelve years old, the world was my magic lantern, and by its green spirit glow I saw the past, the present and into the future. You probably did too; you just don’t recall it. See, this is my opinion: we all start out knowing magic. We are born with whirlwinds, forest fires, and comets inside us. We are born able to sing to birds and read the clouds and see our destiny in grains of sand. But then we get the magic educated right out of our souls. We get it churched out, spanked out, washed out, and combed out. We get put on the straight and narrow and told to be responsible. Told to act our age. Told to grow up, for God’s sake. And you know why we were told that? Because the people doing the telling were afraid of our wildness and youth, and because the magic we knew made them ashamed and sad of what they’d allowed to wither in themselves.

After you go so far away from it, though, you can’t really get it back. You can have seconds of it. Just seconds of knowing and remembering. When people get weepy at movies, it’s because in that dark theater the golden pool of magic is touched, just briefly. Then they come out into the hard sun of logic and reason again and it dries up, and they’re left feeling a little heartsad and not knowing why. When a song stirs a memory, when motes of dust turning in a shaft of light takes your attention from the world, when you listen to a train passing on a track at night in the distance and wonder where it might be going, you step beyond who you are and where you are. For the briefest of instants, you have stepped into the magic realm.

That’s what I believe.

I guess their name is relevant to what I feel listening to them

I've been away a year and a day

You recognize love after the fact

You did what you did and that was that

Don't say words that you don't mean

When I'm gone please speak well of me

Looking back now

I only wish that I had been kinder

Did I ever know love, did I ever know love?

And could I have been blinder?

Don;t hold back all your love for someday, for someday

I would say that I'm sorry if it would do any good

But to never regret means you have to forget

and I don''t think that I could

Come back please

Why did you go away?

Because you pushed me when all I wanted was to be close to you and I never found my way back even when I tried so hard to be what you needed and wanted me to be.

And now you're gone from all means of seeing if your okay and I don't have to try so hard to figure out how I'm eventually going to tell you (well....who knows what I'm going to tell you, I still haven't gotten there) but all I want to say most of the time is; I still miss you and wonder how you are.

Just figured I'd let you know since you've officially dissapeared

Derek...it's gunna take me a long time to find you and know that I want you too....isn't it.

Derek: "You make out with patients now?"
Meredith: "What, are you jealous?"
Derek: "I don't get jealous."
Meredith: "We had sex. Once."
Derek: "And we kissed in an elevator."
Meredith: "And we kissed in an elevator. Once."
Derek: "No, seriously. Go out with me."
Meredith: "No."
Derek: "You know, I almost died today. Yeah, I came like this close. How would you feel if I died and you didn't get a chance to go out with me?"
Meredith: "Get over yourself already."
Derek: "C’mon!"
Meredith: "It’s the chase, isn't it?"
Derek: "What?"
Meredith: "The thrill of the chase. I've been wondering to myself, why are you so hell-bent on getting me to go out with you? You know you're my boss. You know it’s against the rules. You know I keep saying no. It’s the chase."
Derek: "Well... its fun isn't it?"
Meredith: "You see! This is a game to you, but not to me. Because, unlike you, I still have something to prove."

But you did get jealous. And it was just the chase. And I still have something to prove.

what's it for?

Omar Sharif..... Omar Sharif, Omar Sharif...you don't know who Omar Sharif is?

no

Omar Sharif......Omar Sharif, Omar Sharif...you don't know who Omar Sharif is???

no?

He's the guy in Funny Girl who shows up at the stage door. He's the guy who just walks in from another world; the guy who's, who's, who's looking for my door.

If THAT isn't the truth...

hello out there

"In it, at the end, it was pointed out that one of the main characters had given up the thing she loved the most because giving it up meant keeping it beautiful and right." -Peaches

I like to think about you when I read this because it makes it easier when those waves of wonder wash over me to think of why it was so easy for you to forget about me. Why it was so easy for you to let go of me.

I never thought I'd be quoting her...

"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous. "

-Carrie Bradshaw

Hello

If you ever pull that shit again with my little sister I am going to break ever single bone in your face with a baseball bat and then I am going to proceed to slice off your balls with my scalpel.

=)

Somedays I have to really try not to drive to where you live and kick you in the face

And on the days when I just have way too much time alone to myself to think.... wonder why it is I ever like you at all in the first place.

"if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit."

-HJNTIY