I feel like college is that summer worse X100.
I think this may be quite possibly the first time in my life that I am ready to grow up. I have prolonged this process for as long as it can be prolonged and I will always keep my childish enthusiasm, but I have reached the point in my life where growing up is essential to becoming the person I was meant to be. I'm not terrified that I am growing up, but I am terrified that I am going to loose my best friend in the process. Things have noticably changed between the two of us. We are becoming more and more different the longer we are separate. This has never been an issue seeing as we are each others counterparts, and therefore completely different while still combining to form a whole. But, I am afraid that we are both making decisions that are going against everything that we ever thought would comprise of our futures and that in itself is the thing that truly scares me. I have never been one for the future. I hate teh unknown, but as of late I have started to embrace the common knowledge that I cannot control my life as much as I wish I could. But the fact is, I don't wish I could control my life, I only wish that I could control teh most important parts. But, in controlling those parts, I have come to realize that I will miss out on so much of life that I would never know existed if I control the most important aspects of my life. Yes Kel, relationships do stop if you do not feed them, but if I remember correctly, we did not properly feed ours for many years and all we had was camp. I have no fear that if we at some point stop feeding our relationships that we will someday be drawn back to the same place in which they were held together all those years. Yes, I love camp. But I do not love the camp that is now. I love the camp of my childhood. The camp that made me the good person that I am today. The camp that held me close to you and you to me. The camp that did not allow electronics or need pretty clothes. I love the camp that I almost went blind at because I got mud in my eyes during a mud fight. I love the camp that I lusted after so many boys at. I love the camp that we are known as no one other than KellyLindsay (one word) at. But camp os no longer anything but fond memories to me. It is not a place I wish to return to so that I can ruin my memories of it. I am happy with the memories that I have and I cannot wait to send my own children to it. (hopefully alongside yours) But I have to move forward, and so do you. Carving the tree there has been something that we have carried on and should continue to carry on because it is a symbol that we love and cherish and rejoice the memories that we had there, but we cannot live in the past forever. At some point we need to turn around and realize that we have not attended that camp in over 4 years. That you are about to go into your final year in college and that I am going to be training to be a nurse. That we have both found and lost love. That we are easily turning into the beautiful and strong and wise adults that we always knew that we would be. We will make mistakes along the way and we will do things that we never dreamed we would but fear not because I know in the end we will always have each other to lean on no matter what. I will always be here for you in some form or another just as you have always and will continue to always be here for me. We fluctuate and no one, and I literally mean no one will ever understand the means by which our friendship works but we know it does and we believe in it and that to me is all that matters. I love you kel. Now hold my hand and we will walk forward in life and love together. I miss you and I wish there was some way to be together this new years, because it'll be weird not having you there for the first time in like 8 years. alright. I'm gonna go to bed now but I love and miss you and I cannot wait for break so we can start growing together again.
Love you to the moon,
The dark, The moon, The sky, Jelly
"Those who dream by day are aware of many things that escape those who dream only by night."
Keep dreaming with me =)
