So, I'm home today. I HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER!!! haha. I don't think I actually appreciated having a home where I am like this two years ago, but lord knows I do now. =) I am so happy to be here with all my friends and family. It's weird. when you're sad you can sit and describe it so well, but when you're happy all you wanna do is dance around and smile and live. haha anyways, went for my first 5 MILE run today at about 530 am!!!! I've been working up to it for a couple weeks now and I'm glad I finally did it, though running here in Newington is WAY harder than running in Salem because in Salem where I run it's mostly flat, where as here it's way more hilly. I ran in the rain, which is good and bad. It was good because I love the rain and it was a nice way to stay cool through out the run, but it wasn't so hot because at the end of the run my whole body was hot, but my toes were FREEZING... weirdest sensation ever when you hop into the shower after. lol Any-who, took a nice hot shower and have been sorta lazying around for the rest of the day so far. It's a good day for naps and reading and stuff. Tonight the gang is finally almost all back together and we're headed to hooter's for the wing special, but I'm looking forward to my full boy massage later tonight and spending a little quality time with the boys. =) Alright lovers, I've gotta get back to this BEAUTIFUL weather and loving people and my books. hehe I'm such a book worm. OH yea... and planning my trip to ENGLAND!!!! =) That's right bitches I'm heading back to the mother country soon. =) well, maybe... if Kimica doesn't make me drag my cute self to Shanghai with her first. =) Alright lovers, I'm headin out.

Lots of love,

You're long lost (but never really lost),(kelly don't even ask me how lost I was) world traveling girlie =)

hey. This is Lindsay. Kelly's best friend.I know you know everything and I don't really care. What i do care about is my best friend and what I am going to say to you is something that needs to happen. You need to tell Kelly that you can't talk to her anymore, no not that you CANT but that you don't want her, because you don/t want to hold her back. She's so in love with you and you have made it clear that you lover her too, just not in the same way she loves you. Derek, I'm asking because I know you're not a bad person, because I know you understand what an amazing person Kelly is and because you also understand that she is such a true and pure and loving person that no matter how bad you might be for her to have in her life, right now she doesn't have the heart to tell you that she can't talk to you anymore. So what I'm asking of you is that you tell her that she is better off without you in her life. That she deserves someone who will love her back as much as she loves them, and who will be able to show it in a healthy and true way. That she is truly an amazing person. Do not hold back on the type of wonderful person she is, because god knows if she ever needed to hear that from anyone it's you and the tie is now. She needs to know that she is not an bad person and that it is okay for her to take time to figure out herself and figure out who she is and what she truly wants in life. She needs to know that you will miss her, but that you do not want to hear from her either, even if that is a complete lie. Because By telling her you don't want to hear from her, you will allow the door between you to be closed. Those feelings that are between the two of you may never go away and they may never change for you, but she is still young. She still has a chance to find and be with and marry someone who isn't already promised to someone else. She deserves that Derek. By telling her these things you will allow yourself to love her in the way you should have loved her all along. You will be able to give her one of the hardest and most beautiful gifts that someone who loves someone can give. you will be setting her free. Free of your hold on her and allowing her to rise to her true potential. If it is hard for you to do these things, try to imagine how hard it has been for her to love you for 3 years and watch as you loved someone else but kept her strung along in your life. She will never 100% be out of your life Derek. It's not in her nature to step out of teh lives of those she loves completely and forever, but let her go for now. Tell her to go. tell her that she is this amazing person, tell her all of the things that will allow her to feel good about herself as she walks away from you even if it makes you feel like a piece of you is dying, because walking away from you, although she may know deep down it's the right and good thing for her will be impossible unless you do these things for her. Unless you allow her to know exactly how you feel and then set her free of your hold. Derek, this is the only thing I have ever asked of you in the three years that I have listened to her pine and cry and laugh over YOU. So please, as someone who loves Kelly just simply for the person I know she is going to become, do this for her. Do this for her future. Do this because as hard as it is now, it might mean that someday she will be able to be JUST a friend to you. That you two can have the type of relationship that you have been struggling to have for a long time now. Because Kelly is not someone you don't want to lose forever and so a temporary relief to figure out who you both are and what you both truly want out of love and out of life, might be exactly what you both need to set everything straight, but be SURE that it is what SHE needs. So, tell her not to contact you. Tell her you will not contact her. Tell her you will always love her and be here for her, but that right now those ties have been cut and that it's over. DO this because as her best friend, and someone who despite what I have seen her go through over you still thinks that you are a good person.

Thank you. This is all I ask of you, and I am aware that it is a lot.

I'lL be dreaming

And now I sit and talk through all the confusion,I cannot now remember who the hell I am,you're not the only one who created an illusion, I knew I'd find My place in time.

I'll be dreaming of the nights when I would lie awake and stare into the light behind your eyes.
I have run into the trap you set before me, blind and now my love cannot seem to hide.

It'll get better, I promise it will. We'll get through this together, just like we always do. We were made to be each other's wall, each other's shoulder. It will all get better, it will all get easier and it will all someday end. My hand is waiting, all you have to do is reach out into the light and grab it.