I had the chance and I passed

I slept with him that summer you cheated on me. I slept in the same bed as him down at the beach for all of the nights I was there. And I was drunk and he was cute and warm and I knew he liked me. And I liked him to; As more than just a friend. He tried to kiss me a couple of the nights while he was holding me. I let him hold me because I was lonely and he was warm. He held me because he loved me and he wanted me to let him. I was more lonely in that bed with him those nights than I have ever felt in my life. I knew deep somewhere in my gut that I wasn't going to be able to feel this warmth anymore when I got back to Salem. I playfully beat off his soft lips each time though because I didn't want to start things with him like that if we were ever going to be together. I didn't want my first kiss with him to be tainted with you. And so I never cheated on you. I never let him do anything but hug me and hold me while we slept together all of those nights.

And it was worth it. It was worth it to get cheated on by you. It was worth it to suffer like I did for the last year because of you. Because last night when he kissed me for the first time I didn't have you in the back of my head. I didn't have the shattering of your heart or the look on your face when I would have had to tell you or the tears you would cry from the pain in the back of my mind. All I had was his lips and mine in that moment and his warmth holding me close. It was worth not cheating on you two summers ago so that this moment with him wouldn't be tarnished with you; So that my beginning and our ending wouldn't be tied together. I am so incredibly warm now, laying next to him as I type this out. He's asleep next to me in the most beautiful slumber; so calm and gentle. He loves me, and I'm slowly finding that I love him back.

Stuttering red tomatoes

Hello you,

Please stop being so perfect all the time. I know you're not ACTUALLY perfect because I need you to have flaws. But how did I miss this for so long? Good thing I finally figured it out. Thanks for listening tonight. That's what makes you so great. You care and thats all anyone really wants.

love,

me

P.S. slipping into bed the other night and having you pull me close and breathe me in was one of the best feelings in my life.

you're the sweetest boy i've ever met and all i wanna do is not be afraid so i can love you

could you leave me with a scar

I knew I deserved better. I knew I could go farther and I knew it wouldn't last forever.

I tried to change, and I did. I changed and I conformed into what I thought you wanted. And I would have stayed that way because I loved you, and because I thought you knew better. But I don't have to change for him. I can be me and he loves me for all of my flaws. For all of my scars and stupid quirks that would cause so many problems, he loves me. And I wouldn't have been able to let him love me a year ago. I didn't let him love me a year ago. But he waited. And now I'm stronger and weaker all at the same time. I'm strong in who I am but I'm still a weak heart. I still love so easily and care so much and love so deeply, but I'm so damn happy.

You know that feeling when you turn over in the middle of the night and feel the cold crinkle of the fresh sheets on your bed as you stretch your legs and breathe in real deep the sent of midnight air? That's what he feels like. Like new beginnings and yet familiar soil. Like a fresh blossomed field of lavender.

I think I realized just in time,
about my old self was hard to find.
You can bathe me in your finest wine but I'll never give you mine.
'Cos I'm a little bit tired of fearing that
I'll be the bad fruit nobody buys,
Tell me, did you think we'd all dream the same?

And doesn't that sound familiar?
Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver;
the way things could have gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar
that everyone wants a little more?
so that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?