Friday, October 7, 2011

Quote from "Boy's Life"


You know, I do believe in magic. I was born and raised in a magic time, in a magic town, among magicians. Oh, most everybody else didn’t realize we lived in that web of magic, connected by silver filaments of chance and circumstance. But I knew it all along. When I was twelve years old, the world was my magic lantern, and by its green spirit glow I saw the past, the present and into the future. You probably did too; you just don’t recall it. See, this is my opinion: we all start out knowing magic. We are born with whirlwinds, forest fires, and comets inside us. We are born able to sing to birds and read the clouds and see our destiny in grains of sand. But then we get the magic educated right out of our souls. We get it churched out, spanked out, washed out, and combed out. We get put on the straight and narrow and told to be responsible. Told to act our age. Told to grow up, for God’s sake. And you know why we were told that? Because the people doing the telling were afraid of our wildness and youth, and because the magic we knew made them ashamed and sad of what they’d allowed to wither in themselves.

After you go so far away from it, though, you can’t really get it back. You can have seconds of it. Just seconds of knowing and remembering. When people get weepy at movies, it’s because in that dark theater the golden pool of magic is touched, just briefly. Then they come out into the hard sun of logic and reason again and it dries up, and they’re left feeling a little heartsad and not knowing why. When a song stirs a memory, when motes of dust turning in a shaft of light takes your attention from the world, when you listen to a train passing on a track at night in the distance and wonder where it might be going, you step beyond who you are and where you are. For the briefest of instants, you have stepped into the magic realm.

That’s what I believe.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

I guess their name is relevant to what I feel listening to them


I've been away a year and a day
You recognize love after the fact
You did what you did and that was that
Don't say words that you don't mean
When I'm gone please speak well of me

Looking back now
I only wish that I had been kinder
Did I ever know love, did I ever know love?
And could I have been blinder?

Don;t hold back all your love for someday, for someday
I would say that I'm sorry if it would do any good
But to never regret means you have to forget
and I don''t think that I could


Thursday, July 7, 2011

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Why did you go away?

Because you pushed me when all I wanted was to be close to you and I never found my way back even when I tried so hard to be what you needed and wanted me to be.

And now you're gone from all means of seeing if your okay and I don't have to try so hard to figure out how I'm eventually going to tell you (well....who knows what I'm going to tell you, I still haven't gotten there) but all I want to say most of the time is; I still miss you and wonder how you are.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Derek...it's gunna take me a long time to find you and know that I want you too....isn't it.

Derek: "You make out with patients now?"
Meredith: "What, are you jealous?"
Derek: "I don't get jealous."
Meredith: "We had sex. Once."
Derek: "And we kissed in an elevator."
Meredith: "And we kissed in an elevator. Once."
Derek: "No, seriously. Go out with me."
Meredith: "No."
Derek: "You know, I almost died today. Yeah, I came like this close. How would you feel if I died and you didn't get a chance to go out with me?"
Meredith: "Get over yourself already."
Derek: "C’mon!"
Meredith: "It’s the chase, isn't it?"
Derek: "What?"
Meredith: "The thrill of the chase. I've been wondering to myself, why are you so hell-bent on getting me to go out with you? You know you're my boss. You know it’s against the rules. You know I keep saying no. It’s the chase."
Derek: "Well... its fun isn't it?"
Meredith: "You see! This is a game to you, but not to me. Because, unlike you, I still have something to prove."

But you did get jealous. And it was just the chase. And I still have something to prove.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

what's it for?

Omar Sharif..... Omar Sharif, Omar Sharif...you don't know who Omar Sharif is?

no
Omar Sharif......Omar Sharif, Omar Sharif...you don't know who Omar Sharif is???

no?

He's the guy in Funny Girl who shows up at the stage door. He's the guy who just walks in from another world; the guy who's, who's, who's looking for my door.



Monday, June 6, 2011

If THAT isn't the truth...

hello out there




"In it, at the end, it was pointed out that one of the main characters had given up the thing she loved the most because giving it up meant keeping it beautiful and right." -Peaches

I like to think about you when I read this because it makes it easier when those waves of wonder wash over me to think of why it was so easy for you to forget about me. Why it was so easy for you to let go of me.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

I never thought I'd be quoting her...

"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous. "

-Carrie Bradshaw


Hello

If you ever pull that shit again with my little sister I am going to break ever single bone in your face with a baseball bat and then I am going to proceed to slice off your balls with my scalpel.

=)

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Somedays I have to really try not to drive to where you live and kick you in the face


And on the days when I just have way too much time alone to myself to think.... wonder why it is I ever like you at all in the first place.

"if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit."
-HJNTIY

Friday, May 27, 2011

Don't do that. Don't just disappear on me.


Don't this think this thing is just going to fizzle away. That time will heal all wounds. That time will make me stop feeling what I feel for you. Don't just think that if you go away and stop talking to me and I move away and we never speak again that this thing, these feelings I have are just going to go away. Because they won't. I'm going to need you to tell me. To tell me it's over. Forever. I am an extremely quick learner. I have a very strong intuition. BUT without those words, this thing, could last a lifetime. Because I'm not running this time. I'm actually learning and I'm growing and when things seem to get scary and hard and start to look like they might just hurt me, my first instinct is still to end it before I end up being the one who is hurt. And yet, I'm not. I am still standing here waiting; waiting for you to say those words. They are not that hard, I just need to hear them.

Because I don't want you to disappear. If you're not going to exist in the same way, thats okay. People heal, but they don't heal from an ending with no goodbye. Rational people, we need to hear goodbye, otherwise we'll always wonder if you're going to come back someday.

So don't do that. Don't just disappear on me.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

It's strange your face....I don't see you anymore


TODAY,

I don't know you anymore. Well, if we're being completely honest I haven't known you for a very long time. You don't know me anymore. You and I existed in a whole other realm or realms. But we existed once. Together. As a WE. And so because of that fact, I can still feel you; or at least what I am choosing to believe is you. You're different. I knew it today. Felt it in my strides and in my being, that something great and true had happened. Something that would change so much and yet nothing in the same. YOU are different today, and you will be more different tomorrow and every day from now forward. But you changed. That is singular. We haven't changed, and part of me wishes we had. Because I feel left behind, but in the same moment I feel grown. Grown like life is slapping me across the face and pointing toward reality telling me to grab onto it before that too pulls away. And I held on to this notion for so long, that when things start to look better I find a way to fuck them up. But I need to stop, because all that is left when things are done is the feeling that they should be together and they're not because I have done something. Something to eliminate the feelings of good, so as to escape the feelings of bad. Yet, it always backfires.

So TODAY,
You will be you. The you you were meant to be. The you I always knew you would someday be.

And I, I will fix what I have broken. I will LET myself be happy, and keep from breaking what I know is good.

And WE will go on. Marching fourth. Handless.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I seem to do this a lot...


thanking you that is. I thank you for showing me the good in my life and in love and in so many other things. Today was a rough day. I had a lot of stressful things going on with a lot of different aspects of my life, but the one thing that really held strong was you. I am a strong person and you know that, but what I appreciate even more than that acceptance is the fact that you also know without me even having to say it, that I really need to lean on you; that I really need to know you care about me even when I seem to be completely floating outside of my body. And you have followed through every time so far without even the slightest hit of weakness. It's like you can read my mind and you just know the exact right thing to say to me to make me feel better. You know you can't completely make everything go away, but hmm just the feel of being wrapped in your arms and listening to stories of stuff that happened with your patients on your shift just calms me down and makes me feel so safe and taken care of. So thank you for just being you. I honestly could not have asked for anything more. We aren't perfect, and we definitely have major things that we think so differently on, but the fact that we can respect each other and love on another's flaws and compensate for the weaknesses just makes me feel that much more safe in your hands. You're energy and beauty is contagious and I just love you so much. I'm glad I have you to love. Being with you is the good life.

Love,

Sweetpea




There's this crazy thing.....


called letting people you care about, KNOW that you actually care about them. And you my dear....SUCK at it.

It's not this incredibly hard task. Basically it entails ACTUALLY telling people you care about them. It's sort of easy when you think about it. You just open up your mouth, or your phone or drive your ass somewhere to tell the person or people that you care very much about that you do in fact care very much about and for them.

It does not require you:
-buying obnoxiously corny gifts
-crawling up their ass to build a home
-getting mad at them for hanging out with people other than yourself
-throwing temper tantrums
-crying about not spending enough time with them
-texting them until they respond with "leave me alone"
-or any other stupid shit people do to "show" they care

IT DOES require you to:
-smile a lot when you are around them
-give them hugs and kisses when appropriate (and even when it's not)
-do spontaneous things for or with them
-sometimes send a good morning text
-sometimes just randomly let them know you are glad they are in your life
-respond to their texts with something other than one word answers

oh yea....AND SAYING YOU CARE IN SOME WAY SHAPE OR FORM!!!!!

SO why is this so difficult for you? Why are you so NOT capable or expressing that you care for someone, possibly very deeply? Instead you hide away and don't answer texts and basically avoid all conversation if at all possible because you clearly have a fear of abandonment. Wanna know a secret?

WE ALL DO.

Not one single person I actually know is NOT afraid of being lonely. Of being totally and utterly abandoned. But the thing is, is that we cause ourselves to be abandoned by not allowing our hearts and minds and bodies to let people in and feel that love, or even that caring.

SO ya know what? STOP ignoring the texts and let the people or person you are also having those feelings for KNOW that you feel that way. Or else they're just going to move on and you're going to be hurt and lonely because of you. It's sad but it's true.

TELL PEOPLE YOU FUCKING CARE!!!!!



Friday, May 20, 2011

Thursday, May 19, 2011

I don't even know what to title this because it's like the writer is speaking straight to my past

I always said I'd be happier alone. I'd have my work, my friends, but someone in your life, all the time, more trouble than it’s worth. Apparently I got over it.


There’s a reason I said I’d be happy alone. It wasn't because I thought I’d be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It’s easier to be alone, because what if you learn that you need love, and then you don’t have it. What if you like it, and lean on it, what if you shape your life around it, and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage, it’s like dying. The only difference is, death ends. This... it could go on forever.

–Meredith Grey



Tuesday, May 17, 2011

She did

Sometimes she still secretly does. So do I.

I know it's not much, but it's the best I can do


So what if I'm not needy? So what if I don't want to crawl up your ass on a regular basis? So what if I madly and stupidly fell in love with you and I'm afraid to let you know because the last time I let someone know me and love me I got really hurt, because they left? They didn't even really leave, they're actually still very much around, but ya know that fear that some people tend to have; that one that the person they're madly in love with will just wake up one day and not be in love with them anymore? Well I lived that. And the worst part is there's never any real reason why it happens. You just wake up one day and feel differently. So please forgive me for not wanting to look too needy, or wanting to let you know how incredible you make me feel, or the butterflies you give me whenever I see your name pop up on the front of my phone. I've been hurt, but I am not one of those girls that lets that damage get in the way of letting myself love again; Obviously. I'm just a little afraid because I forgot what this out of control feeling was.

It's a little bit funny,
this feeling inside.
I'm not one of those,
who can easily hide.

I don't really know what else to say other than thank you. Thank you for reminding me what this feeling feels like. For convincing me that love still exists in this way. That the butterflies in me didn't die. I guess they were maybe just waiting for someone like you to come along.

Rose

Friday, May 13, 2011

promises are useless without a good word backing them




And they are all just empty promises, because if you meant them you would have DONE something about it by now. You would have done more than just wait. You would have gotten on a plane or in a car or a boat or on a fucking scooter and done SOMETHING about it. You would have followed through with all those threats. And I'm not going to push you to do it or give you even the slightest hope that by now it's just too late for you to do all of these things because you waited to long, and even freaks and people who understand even some of the ludicrous things in the world just don't understand this fear, and so we move on, because waiting for you to pull your head out of your ass just takes too long. And if you really wanted to change it, your threats wouldn't be idle, they'd BE on my doorstep, in my face and with love in those stupid eyes of yours because DAMMIT, I deserve an apology. I deserve a hundred apologies even after I close the door in your face and I deserve you pitching a fucking tent on my front lawn so that you can hand me the newspaper every morning until I get so sick of seeing your face I let you talk to me. And EVEN THEN I deserve ANOTHER apology and then I deserve a hug and a kiss...because I am worth that. I am worth all of that effort. Every single ounce of it, because I would have loved you forever and I would have loved your flaws even more. This might seem like a big commitment to you. A lot of time off off whatever job you think is getting you some place right now but that is what I'm worth, so if it's too much for you forget everything else. You can forget showing up on my doorstep in a few months or a few years or decades and telling me how you wished you had just grown the balls to do it, and how much you regret it. Because by then, you'll be the very last thing on my mind and I know I'll still be right there in the front of your head. SO shit man....or get the fuck off of the pot.


Always and Forever

I stopped holding you to any and all promises a long time ago....so you wanna keep holding yourself to them fine, because it;s not like I forgot any of them, I just don't believe they'll hold like stone anymore.

Monday, May 9, 2011

A piece of my soul recognized you and now when you're not around it longs for your embrace


I just want you to know I think about you still....still like it's been a long time or something. And yet I miss you, and I worry and wonder how you are. Pretty regularly actually. I know maybe you thought I was going to forget about you with us not talking and being so far away from each other but I didn't. I don't think I could even if I really tried. You're like a piece of me and I don't want to lose that. I spend a lot of time just picturing your face and letting myself miss you. I haven't ever really missed someone like this before other than my grandpa and well...he died over 6 years ago....so it's just been a while since I really let someone in enough to miss them the way I miss you. I hope you don't think this is creepy. I guess this is me letting you know I think maybe I'm going to let myself love you, if you'll let me. You don't even have to love me back....I just want you to know someone really cares about you and what you do and who you are. You have this way about you that can make everything bad sort of just...vanish. Like drifting mist. I wish you were nearer.

Always

Friday, May 6, 2011

Thursday, May 5, 2011

One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter." - James Earl Jones


I love you.
Simple and true.
No hearts, or fancy balloons.
No heart stopping presents.
No big gestures.
Not even a card or a picture.

Just the words.

I. Love. You.

They mean something, in this world where a lot of things mean nothing.

I'm not afraid. I love you, I love you, I love you.

Take it or leave it.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

happiness within your reach....just reach out and grab it



I didn't think this was going to be this hard. I have school work and work-work and friends to keep me occupied for two weeks or even a month. I keep myself really busy on purpose. I didn't want to get attached to the point of my soul aching. But we never get a choice in that matter. We don't get to be the ones to decide who we fall out of and in love with. I thought I was going to be able to control this, control my yearning for your touch and scent and presence. But I can't. I miss you so much. And I'm starting to think I fell in love with you. That I didn't even realize I was doing it, because it wasn't like this giant leap of faith or anything insane. I just sort of tripped into you, in the way you trip on an uprooted tree root. You're looking down, and you're paying really close attention to where you place your feet so you don't stumble or fall or make a fool of yourself, but the second you look up you lose your balance and trip over the root you hadn't seen because it looked like a stick or a leaf was in the way. It doesn't matter what was there, because you didn't see it, but what you do see is the hand helping you back onto your feet. And you just can't look away. That's what your like; A tree root. And you know how I love trees.


Monday, May 2, 2011

This Overwhelming Feeling


So today I was sitting at the dinner table and the discussion turned to Osama Bin Laden's Death, mostly because it had been on the news all day since late last night, but also because my aunt shoved the news paper in my face while I was cooking and asked, "Aren't you happy we finally killed him?" And my response was, "I'm still deciding how exactly I feel about his murder." Because that is what it was. We murdered Bin Laden. The United States has been spending billions upon trillions of dollars to search for this one man and murder him? And then I started to cry; not tears of joy but tears of sadness because we are just like them. We are murderers and killers, terrorists claiming to believe in god above all else.

Well, I don't know about you, but I grew up in a Christian church and MY god...whoever that may be now, would not be okay with the murder of Osama Bin Laden. I am not saying that it was okay for him to command the murder's of so many people on September 11th, 2001, nor any of the other acts of terrorism that have resulted in the death of anyone. I am simply saying that if locked in a room with him, I'm sure he would not offer me the same sense of peace that I would offer him, and with that knowledge I still do not celebrate his murder. Hatred and war and terrorism cannot be fought with it's likeness, but only with it's opposite. Peace.

It is not a celebration for another human being to have been murdered, no matter how awful and hateful that person may have been this life. I have 2 brothers who have fought in Iraq and Afghanistan. I understand the need for dictatorships to be dismantled, but bombs against bombs, will just kill off everyone and the world with it. Why didn't we get to see his body? Was it because we were so ashamed of the brutality with which we inflicted upon such a man that we could not show the rest of the country that the man they blamed for our terror was now gone from this earth? I fear that is the case.

"Rot In Hell" was the New York Times's front page headline above his face this morning. Rot in hell....what a message to send to the world about the way NY feels. Tragedy struck them harder than just about anywhere in America on 911, yet "Rot in hell". Have we not risen above such unabashed hatred in ten years? Have we not found a sense of pride in the comings together AFTER 911, rather than a cold ocean of frozen hearts?

I am aware that this piece may make more than a few people mad. But you know what makes me mad? Humans have already begun their backlashes, yet they are aimed at the wrong people, just as Bin Laden's people blamed the United States for their problems. How DARE you write such hateful violent messages on the holy sanctum of a Muslim. Did we blame all Christians for the violent and disgusting acts of the KKK? No we did not, so why do we now STILL look upon an entire religion and group of human believers and see only fire? Those are the reason's these wars have yet to end. Because we refuse look at one another in love and peace; we can, and yet we choose not to. It is the most major flaw of the human creation and it saddens me to the point of exhaustion.

Osama Bin Laden. You were not a kind man by any means on this earth, but I do wish you peace and grace in your next life. May the next world be not as unkind as this. May your death bring peace to those who needed it and let them not ask for any more bloodshed in their lifetime.

Amen

(funny we BOTH Christians, and Muslims alike say that at the end of a prayer)

Sunday, May 1, 2011

I never know what to do with my love.


Sometimes I think I like music more than I like people in my life. Not because the people in my life aren't amazing...because they are, but there are days, and I mean FULL DAYS where I lock myself away from the world and just listen to music all day and idle around in my own little world. And I love it, because it makes me happy in a different way than anything else. Kind of like looking at the stars and feeling like you're this small little piece to something so massive? Well music makes me feel a part of this incredible piece of culture and life. I don't understand people who sit in their cars by themselves and don't listen to music. Silence is just so damn loud, and there's hardly ever not a song that someone somewhere has sung about something you're currently feeling. Which is probably the number one thing I love most about music. It connects us all on this most basic level of humanity and allows the knowledge that we may all think and look and do things differently, but we all feel emotions so similarly. It allows that sense of hope that no matter what you're feeling someone somewhere understands. It means you're not alone. And so even when I am in my own world, I'm really with millions of people. Love music. It's what makes the world spin like it does. You get that, thanks for getting that even if you get nothing else.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Honey, let me sing you a song



I don't want you to go. I don't want you to leave this bed in the morning to go half way around the world. I am fully aware of exactly how selfish that is of me to ask. I know you're really going to save a bunch of people by bringing food and medical supplies to a place that really needs it and I'm just so gosh darn proud of you I'm smiling my goofy smile right now. And you're next to me wrapped up around me making this really hard to type out, but I don't mind because I'm not going to be able to smell you for anywhere from two weeks to over a month. I'm not going to be able to cuddle up close next to you at night when I get cold because we sleep with the windows open so that we can fall asleep to the rain. I'm really proud of you for going to do this really great and humane and loving thing. I'm just really going to miss you. I know you're scared too, that for some reason you'll return and I'll be gone because we're still so new this way and I've never been very good at it, but I'm not going anywhere. You make me so incredibly happy and I'm sure there are other people in the world that could make me feel happy too but you're who I want to come home to and crawl in bed with and fall asleep wrapped up in. Ugh you just smell so damn good I don't know what I'm going to do without you. Night, see you when the morning sun shines through these window shades. But just an FYI, I suck at goodbyes...even people who deserve goodbyes will probably never get them because I don't ever want things to be final like that if you ever meant anything to me. So lets not say goodbye in the morning, lets just kiss and say we'll see each other later. <3

Sunshine

Friday, April 22, 2011

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Monday, April 18, 2011

I wanna be your last first kiss

I read this tumbler once that had on it the picture that I was going to put on here originally that said, "I want to be someone's first choice just once".

But I chose to put this one instead:



Because:

Here's the thing about being first. You get them first yea...so inevitably they will remember you forever as being their first love. But I'm not asking to be your first choice. I'm not even asking to be your second, third, fourth, or even your tenth. I'm just asking to be your last. I want to be your last choice because when you choose someone to be your last, it doesn't mean you ran out options, or that you'd rather be with someone else. It means that you're the last person they plan on being with when they leave this earth. You're the last person they plan on giving their heart to. Your the last person that they want to be madly, crazily, inconcievably and irrevocably in love with and that's what really matters. So who cares if you were the first person they loved? Because eventually they will have a last and all the rest won't matter anymore. So I want to be your last. Let me please be your last. Everything else in between doesn't matter because in the end we'll be eachothers and all anyone really wants in this world is to love and be loved in return. So let me love you and treat you good and not plan into the future, because I'm happy right here and now with you.

Coexisting in the space between lungs


I need a man who likes cats. Who will love that I love my cat. Who will even let my cat sleep in our bed and curl up on his lab while watching T.V. This is not something I'm willing to compromise on. I will get a dog because I know you're a dog person even though I am not and you want hands down one of the cutes puppies that inevitable turn into a HUGE fucking dog that will need extra exercise; This is okay because 1) I love you so I will put up with your love for dogs and all things man loving and slobbery and 2) because we are going to live in a cute ass farm house with AMAZING rooms all artfully and awesomely designed with a library and 3) because I already know you love cats. It really is a good thing that you grew up with a plethora of different animals because the kids I'm planning on having are going to need friends they can count on when their family sucks and they realize that we don't live in the city. That's really all. I just need you to let me have my cat in the bed too when I'm crying and you just wanna hold me.

Thanks always,

L

Sunday, April 17, 2011

You could live in my heart and pay no rent

"But you should never have to get used to something like that," He said.

And it was in that moment I gave my heart to you.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

talk about change


"Just because I've never been cheated on doesn't mean I've never been hurt."
That's what you said two weeks ago when you wouldn't tell me why you don't trust people. I get not trusting people. I used to be the queen of not trusting people but eventually I got over it, because you can't let people love you without trusting them. It's like a catch 22. You can't love people who don't trust, but you can't trust people who don't love. But I'm not worried about you, because we all heal in our own time and I'm trust worthy. More so than I used to be. I mean yea I could hold secrets before but I yielded them like a weapon instead of a peace offering. I want you to trust me but in a way I'm kind of glad you're not easy to trust because I am and it also makes it a learning experience for both of us.

Something that I learned about people though is you can't expect them to be perfect. People make mistakes and you shouldn't just jump right off of their bandwagon the first time they mess up. We're all human and we all have our own issues, our own battles, our own secrets and our own damage. I expected a lot of people to hold themselves to the same standards and keep the standards that I set for them but that's insane now when I look back on it because humans are exploring creatures. We want to know what things do, how they work, and limits. We like to test limits and push buttons because we're curious how far things will go before they backfire on us. But it's all part of life. The best thing you can do is learn from your mistakes and try not to make them again. But this one I know I'm going to make over and over again and one of these days it's not going to be a mistake anymore.

SO, I'm going to trust you and I'm going to let myself fall in love with you if that's what I want. I'm going to share all of my secrets with you and let you see all of my scars. I'm going to be fearless like I always am in the beginning, and I'm going to let the fearlessness take over. I'm going to make sure you're aware of how much I like you and how happy you make me. I'm not afraid because I've already had my heart broken and it didn't kill me. I'm sure it might happen again but at least I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel this time and it's okay to love someone and let them go. If they find their way back to you it must have been meant to be and if not at least you know they were loved at least once.


Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Lions make you brave


Alright here's the deal. I think about you ALL the time. Like literally most of my day is consumed with thinking about you and wondering how your life is going and if you're okay and happy. But here's the other thing: I already know all about your life whether I want to or not. Because whether we're actually friends or not I am still very much friends with people who talk to you or see you or know you, and therefore I am very much aware of what is currently going on. I just wish I was hearing it all from you instead. And I MISS you like crazy. I want to be a part of your life again but I'm stubborn as hell and so are you so I'm not sure exactly how this is going to work, seeing as I've been working up the courage to tell you that I miss you for a little over a 2 months now... and I'm no closer now than I was 2 months ago. I just want you to be happy more than anything and if that means that I don't get to be part of your life, I guess I can deal with that because I'd rather know you're happier. But I just wanted you to know...even if it's through this totally impersonal and ugly technological way you meant so much to me and I was really lucky to have you in my life for the short time I did and well, I still love you very much. I'm also craving the smell of dark room chemicals and it only makes me miss you more, because I know that was your favorite part too even though we complained about smelling like that all the time anyways. You're who I'm praying for tonight. <3

me


So here's the thing... I wish you could follow me too because most of the time when I disappear like that I'm thinking about you. But I really like that we can sit in a car together and there's no need for talking. Just simply enjoying each other's silent company. I missed you a lot. I'm glad you're home now and I'll be sad when you leave.





Monday, April 11, 2011

Butterflies makin me tingle


Knowing that you are on your way home to me right now after I haven't seen you in a week because you've been on one of your military retreats is giving my the worst butterflies I've had in my entire life, and that can only mean one thing; I'm invested in this. I want to be invested in this and in you. I want to be invested in us. I like that there is an "us". I love how incredible you make me feel; like I could touch the moon and tap each of the stars. I didn't think I was ever going to feel this way again, and yet like most things here you are proving me wrong. I've missed you so much and oh...you're walking in right now, so I'm going to go kiss you. =)

Monday, April 4, 2011

Id settle for a slow down


Sometimes I just really miss you.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The Gray Area

See I thought love was black and white. That it was wrong or it was right.


But it's not. There are so many different ways to love someone. You can love someone who you don't even know; a complete stranger. You can love your parents and your family. You can love your boyfriend/girlfriend/best friend. You can love someone and hate them at the same time. You can love your parents even thought they drive you up a wall, or even if they don't seem like they love you back. You can love your siblings and fight with them everyday.



And FALLING in love really is just a bunch of gray area and we're just supposed to open up our hearts and let it float it's way through the mist. You have to let it get shattered so someone else can come and pick it up and hot glue it all back together. And I do mean HOT glue it because love should never be simple. It should be complicated as hell and steamy like you just set your kitchen on fire. It should me messy and filled with kisses and touches, shaking legs and pounding hearts. It should never be boring because when you love someone, boring isn't possible because even when you're bored you can be bored together and that's just as fun.


So send your little heart balloon out there into the world and see what kind of static it brings to your life. Go tell the person you love that you love them. Make big gestures and small frog leaps. Someday it'll all be worth every moment, because it's usually the gray areas in life that bring all the color out.